The Two Faces of Jess

My existence as a singular person has long been dueled over by two different personalities. 

That's me on the right... spent four years in... sword school... True story.

The first- the quieter, more demur version of myself- longs to spend my afternoons reading in a comfortable chair with good natural lighting, listening to soft classical music, while my homemade apple pie, I thoughtfully planned and prepped for, days in advance, is browning in the oven.

I am rocking that hat.

In my youth, my room would have held a spartan decor akin to the bare dormitories of Dead Poets Society; with only a desk, a bed, a lamp, a picture of my family, and a contraband radio as my possessions. (What kid doesn't dream of this? I ask you.)

Now, as a mature adult and wife, my days would be filled with taking time to grow my own veg, sewing and knitting clothes and hand-making gifts, baking my own bread, and shopping for the rest of dinner in a small corner store where I know the clerk and ask about his day. His name is Mr. Hooper and the wife and kids are doing just fine.

I do this all with an adorable head scarf and capris, channeling Ashley Judd in Ya-Ya, of course.

Here I am corresponding with the troops, you know, just doing my part.

I would write thank you letters as soon as a kindness was performed for me, and I would call instead of text, and visit instead of call.

Electronics, of a visual nature would appear sparingly in my life.

All of this, of course, increasing my ability to realize and be present in the act of breathing, smiling, laughing, chewing, hugging, kissing, relaxing, sleeping and always being.

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Then there is the Jessica who has won the day. 

The Victor!

You are always aware of her presence because she is fond of being present... She laughs loud and talks fast.

She's watched so many movies and so much television in her lifetime that she wrote her college thesis on it (hand-to-God). She has only ever successfully grown kale (which is the Bruce Willis of plants and will never die, so please don't be overly whelmed).

And despite having served years at adolescent part-time-jobs, in two separate card stores, this Jessica still never sends salutations (of any sentiment) with any proper regularity. And one day (shakes fist ruefully) she's going to clean out all of the trinkets and clothes and books and paper and movies that she's collected over the years. Because she is a collector... and she has stuff.

God, she has so much stuff.

And she is, by all accounts, me.

And now after battling this ongoing dichotomy for the past 15 years - I must marry my two souls together. My husband, my two cats, me and all of my (our) stuff are moving from a 1400 sq.ft. 2 bedroom 2 floor, 3 bath apartment in the spacious burbs to a 680 sq.ft. 1 bed and den in the city. In less than a month.

I share all of this with you because the more I own what's about to happen (insanity) the more I become prepared for it and the more the first Jessica kicks in and kicks the current Jessica off the couch and into gear.

And one day when I'm on Oprah's couch (that's still a thing right?) and talking about how fabulous my tiny life is- you will know from whence I came.

From a busy, and most days, ADD addled, creatively-charged, magical-thinking but well-meaning brain. And you will be all "I can do that! That woman is crazy and she could do it. Huh, I got this."

So anyway.  Now you know, that's me, in a nutshell.

How did I get into this nutshell? What sort of nut has shell like this?

Salutations and Felicitations (just not in a store-bought card, that shit takes planning),
Jessica